The Living Years ; Remembering Grandma

In 1989, i heard this song called 'The Living Years' by English band Mike & The Mechanics, a side-band project by Genesis member Mike Rutherford. As i was still in primary school, i was perhaps not so proficient in my English language to fully understand the lyrics to this song till i was a few years older. When i did understand it at some point, it was to be one of the most lyrically meaningful song in my life, till now and forever.

This song was a worldwide hit and deservedly so. Written by Rutherford and lead singer B.A Robertson about the loss of their fathers, it explored the theme of the gap and different perspectives between two generations, the lack of communication, non-reconciliation and eventually regret upon the death of a loved one.

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence

In the space of minutes, this song perfectly captures what most of us experience sometime or another in our lives, that we do not take time to appreciate the ones close to us till they are gone. A simple conversation turns into an argument, digging up past hurts and disagreements, strained relationships, bitterness...i myself am guilty of all that so many times over.

Today marks 8 years since my grandma passed away. This song was with me at those moments and it served as a reminder to me from then on, whenever i listen to this, that there were things that i should have done more for her and there were things i should not have done then. She loved the family and all of us, especially me. I remembered the night before she passed on, i held her hand close, she called my name and told me to study and work hard.

Till this day, i have a problem coping with death and loss. And i also believe i will have to witness more along the way as i thread through this life ahead. It is times like this that we could learn to 'say it loud, say it clear' things deep in our hearts to the people closest to us so that we will not regret not saying to them in their living years.

Listen to this song here. Enjoy the MTV and i hope everyone reading my blog will find meaning in the lyrics.

I had a vivid dream about a month after my grandma passed away. I remembered it was very clear and she was standing in front of a very bright tunnel and she said "Leong, i am going away now." I had never dreamt of her since. I also remembered she kept telling me when i was young that after she has left the world, she will not appear to me for fear that i will be afraid.

But i know she is still around, all these times...constantly watching over the family and keeping me safe everyday.

I hope to see her someday and hold her hand again...